Until It's Gone
by Zoete9
Summary: People say that you never know what you have until it's gone. Truth is, you've always known what you had - you just never thought you'd lose it. And they must be the luckiest people alive, he thinks, to have gotten a second chance at all of those possibilities. But maybe, Draco supposes, that's merely a side-effect of falling heels-over-head for Harry Potter. -50 Drarry sentences-


**Author's Note:**

**So... I spontaneously wrote some Drarry. My very good friend narutofreak23 helped me out loads with writing this - she stuck by me even when I was incessantly bugging the crap out of her to "prompt Drarry with me!" So she has a set of these with the same words because we were basically co-writing, but I don't have the right to post those ones. It's up to my friend to get her own 50 out there when and if she pleases. But let me know your thoughts on mine, yeah?**

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Work Text:

#1 - Classroom

Draco couldn't help but notice the whispers running rampant between the other students as it became evident that Harry was **_indeed_** sitting right beside him and**_ wasn't_ **moving away - "What are they **_doing_**? Don't they hate each other?" - but Draco also couldn't care less and, just to make a few more jaws drop, slammed their intertwined hands on top of the desk instead of keeping them hidden from sight.

#2 - Bell

His legs feel like jelly and he just wants to _**move**_, but he's frozen in the center of the hallway with his breath stolen away by none other than Harry fucking Potter - and when the school bell finally snaps Draco out of it, he curses himself for wanting to spin Harry back around and say something just as impactful, something he actually**_ means_** for once. He just wants to surrender and say, _"I like you, too."_

#3 - Movie

Silence seems to stretch on and on in this house that isn't a home anymore, and there's this tiny seed of hope left in him that he'll hear the creak of the front door opening or the jingling clunk of keys being slung onto the kitchen counter, that everything will revert back to normal, back to the way it used to be - but his heart aches away in his chest until it can't anymore, because he's so naïve and foolish that he can't seem to grasp that life is not a Disney movie.

#4 - Ledge

Draco sighs, feet dangling from the edge of the cliff; this had been the worst fight with Harry to date, and he didn't know if the other would even forgive- "...raco... Draco! Don't you dare jump, get the hell away from that ledge!"

The blonde whips his head around to stare back confusedly, but soon relief burrows its way under his skin because this means Harry still cares. "Don't worry, you twit. I wasn't going to jump."

#5 - Lost

Harry can't make heads or tails of Draco's actions lately. So far, he's been dragged off places alone by Draco 'just because', stared at both endlessly and creepily from across the classroom, and he's even walked and talked with the other boy like they've been best friends since forever - but then it all clicks into place when Draco holds his hand firmly and declares, "We're a thing, Pot- **_Harry_**."

#6 - Picnic

Draco wrinkles his nose in disgust, noticing Harry do the same beside him while Hermione sends them an apologetic look: they all bear witness to the horror that is Ron Weasley scarfing down a whole sandwich in only a few bites, but the only thing Draco can do now is shudder and whisper in Harry's ear, "We are **_never_** going on a double date with these two again, understand?**_ Especially_ **if it involves food."

#7 - Sky

Harry bumps his shoulder in that way that makes Draco flick his gaze sideways, hoping Harry will still be captivated by the millions of tiny lights in the sky and he won't be caught staring at his just-friend-but-not-really in an entirely unacceptable manner - so it makes him jump a little when their eyes meet, but he wouldn't be able to help smiling back even if he tried.

#8 - Tell

"Alright, Malfoy. We will never speak of this again," the boy-wonder starts, though Draco is still waiting a few minutes later for the rest of the sentence that holds whatever grand declaration Harry's scared to make. Needless to say, the tension becomes unbearable and Draco is just about to roll his eyes, diffuse this whole awkward situation, when Harry manages to surprise the ever-loving hell out of him by leaning in and sealing that statement with a kiss.

#9 - Start

"What would you say if I happened to think I might not hate you?"

Draco tries to stuff as much false confidence into his not-quite confession, he really does, but he knows that Harry can feel his hands shaking from where they rest on his hips, and that's why there are no words to describe his relief when Harry only smiles and mumbles, "I'd say I like where this is going."

#10 - Shame

He can**_ feel_ **his blood thrumming hotly underneath that disgusting mark. He wishes he could make the redness burst from his skin, slash at the inked flesh until it's a gory memory - but he's Draco, and Draco Malfoy wouldn't do something so weak over the near-constant whispers of "Death Eater scum" that are tossed at him in the hallways. And, besides, he has **_Harry_**, who dares counter it all by holding his hand with an absently said, "You look lovely today."

#11 - Pills

"What in Merlin's name did you**_ do_**?" Harry stifles his laughter, because this whole thing is so ridiculous and **_so_** not like Draco, and the blonde's disgruntled explanation only makes it funnier:

"Those **_dimwitted_** Weasley twins slipped a pill into my drink without my knowledge. Now, if you hadn't already figured this part out, I'll be walking on bloody **_horse legs_ **for the remainder of the day and maiming those two tomorrow."

#12 - Blue

"Wait... your eyes really **_aren't_** blue! But then, what color are they?"

Draco stares at Ron Weasely murderously, a sarcastic remark on the tip of his tongue, but he stops dead when Harry doesn't even bother looking up from his book before answering: "They're grey."

#13 - Awestruck

"Stop gaping, Potter," Draco scoffs as he rolls his eyes, "you're going to catch flies. I mean, it's not as though she won't look your way eventually..."

The words are hard to say, because Harry doesn't know how difficult it is for him to shove down this monster of jealousy, to run his mouth like this when all he truly wants to say is _why can't you look at **me** like that?_

#14 - Care

"You don't care. Hell, you don't even **_know_** me, Potter. You act like you do, but you _**don't**_. So just- stop messing with my head already!" Draco turns his back, but he doesn't walk away, and that's a good enough reason for Harry to want to prove him wrong.

"But I do. I do care, and I_** do**_ know you. Better than I know myself. I know your favorite color isn't green, it's red. I know you sing at the top of your lungs in the shower because it prevents your thoughts from going back into those dark places that you'd rather not revisit. I know that you're more into drawing than you let on - using a sketch pad to portray things is easy as breathing for you and you're really, **_really_** good at it. I know that you need glasses - which, dare I say, look cute on you - because you stay up all night reading in terrible lighting. But you refuse to wear them because **_you_ **don't know how cute you look."

Draco stares at him in mortification but Harry continues his ramblings, "I know you once had a crush on Ginny and accidentally dyed your eyebrows green when you were six. You have a thing for sweets, but only white and dark chocolate. I know about that habit you've got, the one where you talk to yourself aloud when you think no one's around? And I**_ wish_ **other people knew as well as I did that you **_never_** wanted to join Voldemort. But more than anything, Draco, I **_know_** you feel the same way about me as I do you - you care about me and all my stupid details, too."

#15 - Music

"I didn't know you could play piano," Harry stares, awestruck by the sight and sound of Draco weaving a masterpiece on the instrument - although he swears he stops breathing when Draco hits a sour key and whips around on the bench to face him.

"I... Harry, you weren't meant to. This was **_supposed_** to be a surprise... my song to you."

#16 - Taxi

Draco had always hated Muggle cars, but he loathes them more than ever as he watches that mop of unruly dark hair duck into a taxi, the vehicle gone away in seconds, like this had all meant _**nothing **_\- and those definitely aren't tears, because Draco Malfoy does not cry over Harry Potter.

#17 - History

Their history is full of insults and so much wasted time. It's hard to forget, which makes patching things up almost seem like more trouble than it's worth, but the bitterness fades eventually, and they're both glad for it - they just never knew that forgiveness meant hate turning to love faster than either of them could blink.

#18 - Pears

"Potter, your head is shaped like a pear," Draco doesn't know **_why_ **he says it, he just does, and he can't tell if it's regret or excitement coiling in his stomach when Harry looks straight back into his eyes and, like he's inquiring about the weather, asks: "You wanna find out if I taste like one, too?"

#19 - Beach

"If you were stranded on a deserted island, who would you want to keep as company?" Hermione asks him when it's finally his turn, and Harry doesn't miss a beat, doesn't even spare a glance at his other options in the game's circle before he wraps an arm around Draco's shoulders.

#20 - Love

Draco didn't like love and love didn't like Draco; he would either be treated like crap or the whole attraction seemed one-sided. But then, that was _**before**_ brunettes with bottomless green eyes and round glasses and ridiculous lightning scars. That was _**before**_ everything became smiles and laughter and the lonely ache in his chest was banished for another kind of ache entirely - yes, it sounded cliché, but there just wasn't any **_love_** before Harry.

#21 - Hero

"It's not denial, 'Mione. I'm just rather selective about the realities I acce-"

Hermione scoffs at the obvious lie, cutting Harry off as she continues to shove him towards the blonde slumped pathetically over an empty table. "Just go over there, you've been ogling at him all day! Really, Harry, don't disprove my 'hero complex' theory - because you will be if you can't even bring yourself to save Draco from utter boredom."

#22 - Friend

And then it hit him; it hit Ron like a sack of bricks that had been tossed out of a truck going sixty, square in the face - and _**bloody hell** _is it a shock, even if he could honestly say he had seen it coming for a while now: Harry **_liked_** Malfoy.

#23 - Forget

They break apart much too soon and Draco remembers that he'd been wanting to yell at Harry, but now he finds himself entirely unsure as to what for - which doesn't matter, in the end, because Harry apparates sneakily away before he can get his thoughts sorted, let alone make a fool of himself by pulling the brunette closer with a '_don't let go, I want another hug' _that sounds _**way**_ too needy for his liking. "Stupid Potter... stupid hugs. Damn it all to hell!"

#24 - Holiday

As if Christmas isn't enough, Draco's being dragged to the Burrow for New Years Eve; there're fireworks and cheesy wishes, and **_so_ **many people, but standing next to Harry, his fingers intertwined with the boy he used to swear he hated, Draco can almost forget that this is not really where he belongs and that these people don't really enjoy his company.

#25 - Carmex

"Are your lips... bleeding?" Harry's not going to stop and wonder why he was looking at Draco's mouth in the first place, so he only hands over some chapstick, ignoring the blonde's glare and trying to shake off said boy's less than helpful reminder.

"But- Potter, you **_do_** realize that that would be like indirectly **_kissing_** you, correct?"

#26 - Dead

Whatever they had between them, be it love or hate or an intense mix of both, it was dead and gone now - there was nothing left to save, no point to anything if one was here and the other sent into oblivion.

#26 - Hang

Barring his years with the Durselys, Harry'd always had a lot of friends, people to lean on that Draco claims he's never quite needed himself. Harry hopes he's lying about that, because he wants Draco to need him.

#27 - Again

From the first time it happens, Harry knows he won't ever tire of hearing that genuine laughter, which starts so quietly but grows in volume the longer he tries to convince Draco to dance with him. "I don't know whether to stop you from twirling me again, or just shut up and enjoy whatever you've got up your sleeve tonight, Potter."

#28 - Fake

"Take me home. I'd rather die than be with you."

Draco's arms are crossed over his chest like one massive barrier between them that Harry wants to punch and punch and punch at until his knuckles bleed waterfalls of success; there's this incessant need to trick himself into believing that it's all fake and not happening and- "HARRY JAMES POTTER! I said wake up!"- and he's up in seconds, lunging at the boy sitting beside him with open arms before the scream tears itself out of his throat.

#29 - Drown

"Thank you," Draco mumbles as he uses the grip on their joined hands to sweep the brunette up off his feet, and then Harry's drowning in a warm embrace and breathing in so many familiar smells. He doesn't know what he's done to provoke this but won't dare interrupt to ask; hugs with Draco only last so long and he's definitely missed this.

#30 - Sleepwalk

He's gotta say, Harry Potter making pancakes at two in the morning isn't what he's expecting when he manages to roll out of bed after several clatters and bangs - the real kicker, though, is that his boyfriend's not even conscious while dumping batter all over Draco's head: "I don't care if you don't know what you're doing or even if you can hear me; it's totally illogical for you to be capable of making any kind of food on a scorching stove while sleepwalking. Oh yes, I'm going to fucking murder you when you wake up."

#31 - Scowl

Draco scowls at everything; it's a known fact, practically his trademark - so **_why_** does he feel the hardness in his features softening after he's just witnessed Harry Potter sneeze like a damned kitten?

#32 - Mind

Harry doesn't mind, really he doesn't, because it's not as though Draco is controlling or diabolical or scheming... well, actually... actually Draco is **_all_** of those things, but not **_quite_ **so much that it makes Harry want to rip out his hair and scream as he cries - that part is important.

#33 - Harm

Draco feels something warm and soft and entirely constricting flood into his chest, his intestines twisting into such confusing knots that he's certain they can never again be untwisted; the night is so beautiful and Harry is so wonderful and Draco - Merlin help him, he loves Harry so much it hurts.

#34 - Curtsy

"What the fuck are you doing?" Draco deadpans, though he keeps his arm slung casually around Harry's waist even as Pansy and Hermione (suddenly the best of friends) curtsy in the middle of the hall.

Draco finds himself wanting to kick one of them off balance when they say, in frightening unison, "It'd be lovely if you two could just... reenact our fangirl fantasies. In other words: please snog each other's brains out."

#35 - Gasoline

"This is idiotic, Potter." Draco very nearly kicks the damn vehicle, but he suspects that the Muggles make them too frail for such rough treatment. "I don't need to know how to fill a car with gasoline - especially when I'd much rather drench the bloody thing and light it on fire."

#35 - Fireflies

"Draco, stop! You're being ridiculous!" Harry's mind stutters to a halt upon reaching Draco and all at once there is nothing but here and now; this moment where he's swung round and kissed beneath hundreds upon hundreds of glowing bugs that zigzag through the trees overhead, because suddenly all Draco wants is to watch the fireflies whisper through the forest nestled against Harry's chest.

#36 - Hands

They walk along in silence for what seems like forever, but after a while, Harry feels fingers clutch his wrist and a hand pull his from the snugness of his pocket. Draco's fingers twine slowly with his, giving a momentary squeeze that makes Harry's stomach swirl and dip, and it's so stupid because they're just _**holding hands**_ \- but Harry wants to say it, those three words, he just wishes he knew how.

#37 - Excuse

Draco had a tongue like a nightmare; any given harsh word that fell from his mouth cut as if it were a blade - and, really, there was no good excuse for the ones being spat at him now. Harry won't admit to wanting to scream and shout, what could have been gallons of saved-up tears dripping freely to the floor. And of course it wasn't worth mentioning that his heart felt as though it was being shredded, only to be messily taped back together, all for someone else's amusement.

"No," he gasps out. "You don't mean it. You aren't saying goodbye. This isn't... we're not done. Fucking hell, Draco - I'm not even **_close_** to done."

#38 - Want

Bright green eyes and dark, untidy hair isn't something he should want or be this **_fixated_** on - not being who he is - but those laughs echo in his ears and that damned smile is burned into his memory and trying to blink away the truth does him no good at all.

#39 - Close

"I don't like what I see when I close my eyes, Potter. And I'm honestly afraid I'll off myself one day just thinking about it."

Draco feels stupid even saying it, because Harry probably doesn't care that Draco wakes up screaming his head off about things that aren't real (at least not anymore) - but then fingertips ghost under his chin and Draco finds himself staring, a sharp chill wracking his spine with Harry's offer and its implications.

"Then open your eyes and look at me, if you can stand it. Come to me, and I'll come to you, yeah? Because, believe me, Draco, I **_understand_**."

#40 - House

The two of them are starting to get reckless, forgoing the whole "nemesis" charade in favor of holding hands in the corridors or whispering in each others' ears with these sly little smirks that, quite frankly, are dead giveaways for anyone wondering about the context of their mutterings - and it all comes to a head when Draco opts to sit at the Gryffindor table instead of Slytherin and Harry does the same the next day.

#41 - Impulse

"I think I'm in love with you," he says, because he can hardly hold the phrase in any longer, and the only thing he can remember after that is Draco's lips pressing desperately against his.

"Took you long enough, you bloody tease. Would it kill you to be more impulsive?"

#42 - Broken

"I'm not broken. You don't need to stick around to fix all _**this**_, okay?" Draco scrunched up his nose and gestured to himself, but Harry only sighed and took a step closer.

"Am I right to assume that was your backwards way of telling me to stay with you?"

"I'd appreciate it if you got out of my head, Potter, but..." Draco shuddered, his arrogant tone disappearing as he breathed, "Merlin, **_yes_ **\- stay."

#43 - Happen

"I can't describe how, and I can't tell you when. You'll just know, Draco. But after that..." Pansy gazed thoughtfully out the window before turning her eyes back to his with a stunning seriousness. "After that, just let it happen, you stubborn git. And don't you let it go - not for anything, understand?"

#44 - Date

After the third time he's asked, his question lost in the uproarious chatter of the other students in the dining hall, the noise gradually becomes a dull roar - but then everything just goes _**dead silent**_, and it all happens so fast that Draco accidentally shouts at the tops of his lungs, "HARRY POTTER, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT WITH ME?" for **_everyone_ **to hear.

#45 - Sedate

_I am **beyond** screwed_, Harry decides, head in his hands after a crippling, startling moment of clarity - because he's only just recognizing the fact that whenever he falls asleep lately, thinking of Draco, it's with a smile.

#46 - Hate

Standing there in front of the person he's supposed to hate more than anything and feeling _**everything** _but that sick-to-his-stomach rage, Draco swears he can't breathe; this has always been lying dormant, he supposes - resting just under his skin and hanging precariously on the crook of his heart, waiting for his brain to catch up. "Bloody hell, I hate, hate, **_hate_** you - but I love you so goddamn **_much_**, too. And you're so stubborn that you just won't stop loving me to death right back."

#47 - Darling

"Do you ever get tired of hearing people tell you what you're supposed to be; how you're supposed to feel?"

"Everyday, darling."

#48 - Name

"Shh, girls, don't tell anyone! Harry wants to keep last night a secret - plus, I'd rather not risk losing a good, fun screw when everyone else finds out how much of an animal he is in the sack..."

Draco raises his eyebrows at the girl whispering all this to her friends in the corner and, before he even knows what he's doing, strides over, chin held high as he speaks above her bullshit: "Last night, you say? **_Really_**? Because I could have sworn that was _**my**_ name he was shouting right around that same time. See, dear, I've even got these lovely bruises on my hips to prove it. Tell me, where are yours?"

#49 - Rich

"I know it's not much, but you could at least _**act**_ as if you like it since you're going to be moving in," Harry huffs, but then Draco gives him this **_look_**, like Harry should really know better than that.

The blond ducks his head before whispering, "All I want is you, you prick."

#50 - Always

"We'll be fine," Draco sighs while he fidgets with his suit, and then he squeezes Harry's fingers between his at the knuckle, pulling him towards those intimidating chapel doors. "I mean, what else have we ever been? The only difference is that from here on out, you're going to be my always - which I hope means I'm your forever."


End file.
